I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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