My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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