Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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