GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize