the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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