Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
