I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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