I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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