as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
pop tarts are not kleenex
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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