Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
