I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
