"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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