That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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