no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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