Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
