Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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