He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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