Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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