I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
