some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There are leaves in my underwear?
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