Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
