I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize