i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The adults are the big ones right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
