Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
