Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
