I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
