i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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