the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
