There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
