life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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