Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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