is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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