i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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