So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
