dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
