All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
