I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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