Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
