I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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