You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
