Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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