Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
