I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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