"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
