After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
