if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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