My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
