she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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