70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
