So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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