that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
