Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
