You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
