so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize