Yo dont text me then not text me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
