I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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