good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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