dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You can't just leave with hair like that
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
