The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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