Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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