I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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