She's JV to your varsity
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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