where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
