i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
