So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're a waste of cheezeits
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
