dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
