apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
