you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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