You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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