You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
