it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize