OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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