I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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