8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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