my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
