He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
