Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize